I’ve been wanting to write about this issue for a long time. Something happened to me yesterday that acted as a catalyst, the perfect reminder that these words needed to be written and that this is a conversation I’m eager to dive into.
Failure. Yeah I know, it comes up a lot when we talk about entrepreneurship right ? It’s become yet another buzzword and almost a rite of passage for anyone in the start up world.
But I don’t want to talk about the lessons we learn from failure, or the value in it. I want to talk about the reality of it. The messiness, the isolation and the impact it can have.
Here’s the thing - As a society, we seem to have decided over the last ten years that entrepreneurship is cool. It’s become a badge of honour to say that you run a company. Peek into any co-working space in any city around the world and all the cool kids are hanging out there. And that’s awesome - because it’s showing people that there are a multitude of paths we can take in life and that you most definitely don’t have to fit into a particular box to be successful.
And thankfully, over the last ten years, the conversation around failure has also evolved. We’ve recognised that more often than not, it’s an integral part of the journey. We’re starting to talk openly about it, to share stories and learn from it collectively. In fact, in many cases we’re celebrating it.
But there’s a gap that no one is talking about. We support the start up culture. We admire the hustle. We LOVE the come back stories and we respect those who’ve failed and gone on to rebuild something incredible.
But what about the bit in between ? The period when you’re actually going through it ? The darkest part of the whole journey.
Everyone was cheering for you at the start - and you have a sense that they might just be proud of you if you manage to make it out alive. But during the ugly process of failing ? It’s a very different scenario.
You’ll deal with people who think they are better than you. Who think, that from their safe desk & nine to five job that they have the right to judge you. Who find it oh-so-easy to look at your situation and create a narrative that is so far from the truth that it’s not even worth listening to.
You’ll watch so-called friends & acquaintances disappear into the shadows, afraid to be associated with you. You’ll be talked to (and about) like shit. You’ll have to put up with being treated like a criminal and thrown into a system that is stacked against you in every direction.
Your resilience will be tested again and again. It will be harder than you could have ever imagined. You’ll feel isolated and out of control. And at times, you’ll feel like you might never recover from it.
And then, over time, bit by bit, you’ll rebuild yourself. You’ll realise how much the journey has taught you, how vital those lessons were to learn and how much stronger, smarter & intuitive you’ve become. You’ll look at the world from a very different perspective - with more humility, self-awareness and empathy than you could have ever possibly had before. You’ll find the right people to surround yourself with and slowly, but surely, you’ll find your way back up to the surface.
And just like that, the world smiles on you again. Everybody shows up to tell you how inspiring you are. How courageous you’ve been and how awesome your story is.
You’re human, so of course, your ego is flattered. But there’s a tiny voice in your head saying ‘Why is everyone championing me now ? Where was the support when I was in the thick of it ?!'
Society is very good at saying one thing and doing another. At telling us that failure must be respected but not actually respecting it at all. Waiting till we’ve dusted ourselves off, cleaned ourselves up and put a smile back on our faces before wanting to acknowledge us again.
It’s hypocritical to say the very least. So I’m calling it out. The bullshit. The disrespect. The lack of empathy. If we truly believe that failure is an integral part of the journey then we need to support people when they're actually going through it.
So what does that look like ?
Google has spent years researching innovation and how best to build the most successful teams. In a two year research project, they identified the number one quality that differentiates innovative and non-innovative teams - Psychological safety.
In other words - building a community that creates the space for wild ideas, which in it’s very nature, means being open & willing to take risks, and of course, potentially fail. Enabling people to not only have ideas but find the courage to act on them.
And if we can do that within companies, why can’t we start to build that culture more broadly in society ? Surely we can all agree that given some of the challenges we’re facing globally, we need innovation more than ever. And if innovation requires psychological safety as a foundation, then we should be cultivating more of it in our every day lives.
To me that means leaning into empathy. Being open & honest with communication. Attempting to understand an issue and educate yourself about it before making any assumptions or jumping to conclusions. Increasing levels of emotional intelligence & self awareness.
Only when we shift into a culture that prioritises these values will we start to see some real change.
In the meantime, here’s what I’m learning about karma. It’s not necessarily a neat arrangement. I hate to say it, but if you’re in the thick of it right now, in that failure gap - the assholes might carry on being assholes for the rest of their days and get away with it.
All you can do is control how you react and be the change you want to see in the world.